BayleyAlumni News

Yes, We've Made Most of it Up

Seriously, we're talking about Bayley here. How much news can there really be?

Pour Some for the Homies

We have no idea what that means, but we heard it's hip with the kids these days - and no one has their finger on the pulse of today's youth like the staff. Anyway, Alyson Ramsey Johnson ('94) and others will be at the final Bayley graduation on Wednesday, June 1, to offer a toast after the ceremony to the alma mater on the football field. If you are so inclined bring a forty and say good bye.

Bayley No More

Since it's not much fun to kick a dead horse we don't have any snide remarks or jokes to make about the closing of our alma mater - we all need to work through the supposed stages of grief that nut job Kubler-Ross pulled out of her ass. Once that's out of the way we'll bring back the sarcasm. Anyway, Bayley will be no more.

Yearbook Cause of Marriage Strife

An old Bayley yearbook has led to tension in the 11-year marriage of Karen Otis ('80) and her husband Andy. "I came home from work the other day and Andy is sitting at the table looking at my old yearbook," Karen said. "All he said to me was, 'Who the hell is Doug Carson?'" It took me a minute to remember that Doug was a kid from Bayley who was in a play I did, but I hadn't seen or heard from him since I graduated. Apparently Andy thinks I'm having an affair with him or something." When reached for comment in the basement, where he has been spending most evenings since going through the yearbook, Andy claimed, "I know what I read and that's all the proof I need. This Doug character wrote that he'd love Karen 'forever,' and last I checked it was still forever." Upon hearing this Karen yelled down from the kitchen, "Yeah, whatever…you big dick."

Bayley Grad Gets Published

Author Mark Lillet ('96) had his first short story published in a national magazine this month. The story, based on Mark's own experience in college, is a whimsical coming of age story set during Parents' Weekend his sophomore year and involves "a few brewskies, a couple of jello shots" and his roommate's "unbelievably hot mother." "I couldn't believe it was happening to me at the time," says Mr. Lillet, "but I knew it would make a great story someday. I just had to find the right publisher, and when I contacted the fine folks at Penthouse I knew I had found a magazine that would appreciate my writing for what it was and not try to impose their own editorial control over my words. I can't say enough good things about them." Mr. Lillet's story is available on newsstands through July.

Mascot Change Considered

In light of recent events which have tarnished the image of bishops throughout the United States, Bayley-Ellard administrators are considering changing the beloved mascot of the school. "We just think it might be time to change to a mascot that doesn't have such a negative image with the public," said one high ranking Bayley official. Mascots with better public images under consideration to replace the Bishop are the Telemarketers, the Used Car Salesmen, and the Drunk Drivers.