Dorman Chooses CCM
After many long months of indecision, Bayley senior Corey "the Door Man" Dorman ('01) has opted to attend County College of Morris this Fall. "I was thinking about Cornell or Brown, but, like, my SATs sucked and they said my grades weren't too good, so I decided not to go there," explains Dorman. "Then I heard that Rutgers was good, but they have some weird-ass deadline and I guess I missed it. It doesn't matter though, CCM is a great school and all my buds will be there, so it'll be cool." Dorman plans to study pre-med because he thought "cutting up that frog in bio was pretty neat."
McLaughlin Still Looking For Mooners
It has been 20 years, but former Bayley Principal Anthony McLaughlin continues his search for those responsible for the moooning on bus 42. "I'm always looking. It may look like I'm playing golf, painting a house, or eating dinner, but I'm always searching and I will find those mooners, no matter how long it takes," McLaughlin says. The incident, known in Bayley lore as 'butcher shop 42,' 'the satellite bus,' or sometimes 'the total eclipse of 42,' is still officially unsolved. What is known about the incident is that it involved one smoke bomb and at least four pressed hams. Citing his ongoing investigation, McLaughlin refused to disclose any further details.
Holy Oratory! It’s Burt Ward!
Bayley-Ellard announced today that this year's graduation commencement speaker will be none other than TV's Robin, Burt Ward. Mr. Ward, now appearing in the play Love Letters with Loni Anderson at the Papermill Playhouse in Summit, said the theme of his address will be 'Superheroes in Everday Life.' "I want to let the kids know that heroes can be from any walk of life," Ward said. "You don't have to wear a cape, tights, and disturbingly tight underpants like me to be a hero in your own community."
THC Names Worst 20th Century Tyrants
The History Channel kicked off their weeklong look at tyranny by naming their choices for the most evil tyrants of the last century. Topping the list was Nazi dictator Adolph Hitler, followed by Soviet Premiere Joseph Stalin; Cambodian dictator Pol Pot; and Ugandan dictator Idi Amin. In a surprise to many, former Bayley-Ellard Vice Principal Joseph Lennon secured the 5th spot on the list. "A tyrant is one who abuses power and causes innocents to suffer, and we feel all of these men deserve to be on this list," a network spokesperson said.
Nile Still Says ‘It’s Cool’ When Entering Bathrooms
Russell Nile ('80) is still in the habit of saying "it's cool" whenever he enters a public restroom, a behavior he picked up while at Bayley. "It's a conditioned response, I guess, like Pavlov's dog," says Nile. "As soon as I push the door and step in to the john I just can't help saying it." Although he has called out 'it's cool' in restrooms across the country without incident, Nile says the only time it became a problem was at the Port Authority bus terminal in New York. "Oh yea, that got pretty weird. Let's just say that 'it's cool' has a different meaning there."