BT Sul

On the wall of his New Haven, CT office, Dr. Jonathan Kezmerk (’75), D.M.D., proudly displays the blank Bayley-Ellard diploma he received at graduation. “I had an elective course I didn’t quite finish, so the Penguin decided to punish me with a blank diploma,” Dr. Kezmerk says today. Despite receiving an actual diploma after completing […]

Bayley-Ellard alumnus Kevin Hocking (’77), recently divorced after 17 years of marriage, completed his ‘Makeout Music Collection’ over the weekend and is ready to start dating again. “It’s been so long since I had to use them all I had were old 8-tracks, so I had to get the CDs,” Kevin said. “I picked up

Bayley-Ellard administrators announced today that the Carriage House will be renamed Sedita Hall in honor of Bayley sophomore Mike Sedita (’03). “The new name is in recognition of Mr. Sedita’s incredible sense of humor and good taste,” the press release noted. “I’m thrilled and honored,” said a smirking Sedita. “I mean, when you think about

After a 20 year study of Bayley-Ellard yearbooks, Researchers at Drew University have concluded most of what people write in the yearbooks is bullshit. “Our findings suggest that approximately 93% of what is written is pure crap,” said project leader Ivan Carvalich. “What people write usually has no basis in reality or even reflects what

After many long months of indecision, Bayley senior Corey “the Door Man” Dorman (’01) has opted to attend County College of Morris this Fall. “I was thinking about Cornell or Brown, but, like, my SATs sucked and they said my grades weren’t too good, so I decided not to go there,” explains Dorman. “Then I

It has been 20 years, but former Bayley Principal Anthony McLaughlin continues his search for those responsible for the moooning on bus 42. “I’m always looking. It may look like I’m playing golf, painting a house, or eating dinner, but I’m always searching and I will find those mooners, no matter how long it takes,”

Bayley-Ellard announced today that this year’s graduation commencement speaker will be none other than TV’s Robin, Burt Ward. Mr. Ward, now appearing in the play Love Letters with Loni Anderson at the Papermill Playhouse in Summit, said the theme of his address will be ‘Superheroes in Everday Life.’ “I want to let the kids know

The History Channel kicked off their weeklong look at tyranny by naming their choices for the most evil tyrants of the last century. Topping the list was Nazi dictator Adolph Hitler, followed by Soviet Premiere Joseph Stalin; Cambodian dictator Pol Pot; and Ugandan dictator Idi Amin. In a surprise to many, former Bayley-Ellard Vice Principal

Russell Nile (’80) is still in the habit of saying “it’s cool” whenever he enters a public restroom, a behavior he picked up while at Bayley. “It’s a conditioned response, I guess, like Pavlov’s dog,” says Nile. “As soon as I push the door and step in to the john I just can’t help saying

In a break from tradition, the Vatican announced today that Fr. Stanley Barron finished last in voting for the Papacy in 1978. “We can assure you that Fr. Barron did not win the popular vote. In fact, he received no votes. We hope that Mr. Hannon will now drop his insistence on a recount,” the